"Normally, at this time of night, I'd be on my sofa with a mug of chamomile tea either watching Netflix or reading a mystery novel. So I'm not exaggerating; this is the highlight of my year."
Ladies First Louise

July 29, 2019

Burger Night

Do you know any burger-fiends? The sort that, even after having a Bacon & Swiss Buttery Jack on Saturday, insists on homemade cheeseburgers for Sunday dinner? Admittedly, on the scale of personality quirks, it's barely a blip. But I'm gonna milk this baby for a juicy (mmm... burger juice) blog post.

Last night's dinner. Yum!

Some signs of Burger Addiction Disorder (BAD*) include:
  • excessive viewing of burger porn on YouTube or Instagram, especially in secret
  • making a list of your favorite burger spots with ratings and notes
  • driving for two hours for a specific burger joint and nothing else
  • having images of burgers stored on your electronic devices or on your actual walls
  • wearing a shirt with a burger graphic or 'I ❤ BURGERS' or any variants, really

Is it strictly about taste? Or is it partly about associations?

If you want USA patriotic bragging rights, you certainly get it with love for the burger. Few can deny that it's at least one of - if not the - most 'American' of foods. Pair it with potato salad and you've got the basics for the big Fourth of July cookout. You also made a poor choice of side dish since three other people brought potato salad.

Living in the U.S., I grew up indoctrinated into burger culture throughout the seventies and eighties. My childhood memories include a steady rotation of ads from McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's, Jack-In-The-Box, Dairy Queen, and others. Nevermind that I didn't taste fast food until well into my teen years, my expectations had built up; I was craving Big Macs and Whoppers as the food of dreams I hoped to one day possess.

As an adult, I'm well aware that fast food is not 'real food' but when you've only got $5 and a coupon, it'll do. The problem comes when my partner's preference is a Quarter Pounder (pssst, I'm a Whopper gal). It's occurred to me that I can hide the McDonald's coupons, but I don't because I'm a nice person. That doesn't mean I won't gripe about it, though. In my mind, a good burger has mayo, lettuce, tomato, pickle, onion, Thousand Island dressing, and a bun that doesn't fall apart before its job is done. Oh, and it doesn't have mustard or 'American' cheese. McDonald's fails so much of my criteria. Most egregious of all is the lack of mayo. What kind of psycho-burger-chain considers mayonnaise an opt-in element?

Lest this comes across as me slamming** my partner's taste, let me proudly state that he is a better cook than I. This means that Burger Night, with him seasoning the patties and manning the charcoal grill, is one of my favorite at-home meals. So when he said 'I'm gonna throw some patties on the grill', I wasn't going to point out 'But we just had burgers yesterday'.

Of course, there are places where we've had very good/great burgers. Shout-outs to:

The point is... 

While I love a good burger, I'm not the maniac; my partner is. He would be happy to have them - and hot dogs, but that's another story - five times a week. I would be happy with once every two weeks. But that could change if a Shake Shack opens near us.

All in all, life with a burger-fiend is a mixed blessing. On the one hand, I sometimes get treated to really good meals. On the other hand, I sometimes get treated to McDonald's.


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Recommended Reading/Watching: Hamburger America paperback (2008) with the DVD documentary (2005)
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* Not for reals. I just made that up.
** I was initially going to use 'dogging' but a quick slang check dissuaded me. Does every word have an alternate sexual meaning? 😃

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